Wednesday, March 30, 2011

This is Our Story

Dj came into my life just when i needed him to be. It's kind of ironic i guess thats the way i had alway pictured my stroy to start. i guess it just takes me a while to piece it all together, like a puzzel but the pieces are at times to heavy for me to put together on my own. Recently i saw someone from a far someone from my past, it made me start to think of our last time seeing each other...and it just so happened that i think i said one of my coolest lines ever. yes EVER, im not a girl of cool words either so i will probably pat myself on my back for a long time for this one. let me think how do i some up my mess of a dateing scene to get to Us. I didnt start to seriously date till i was 16 that was James, James was broken from a previous girlfriend...hmm i seem to like broken guys. we actually seriously dated for 3.5 years til he decided to start acusing me of sleeping around and getting super paranoid. he also commited some well adutous acts of his own that probably scarred me for life. from him i ran to at the time my best guy friend, Mitch. we dated seriously for a ear then i think ill just asay i was chasing a dream because he had one foot in my door and his other 5 feet somewhere else. He was fun , till i had the tittle of being his girlfriend. then the verbal abuse started. where once he was the one to make me feel like i was a million bucks, i then was made to be so degraded. and he would then use the lines that used to make me feel pretty, skinny, worth something..on girls in front of me. i think i was addicted to the way he had once made me feel, and i chased that for a long time. a lot longer than what i should of. Now i met dj as i was wheening myself off of mitch. i was becomeing very independant again and going back to my roots. i had started to fish, i loved it so much it just was so peaceful. i ventured off of charted teritory and started going to random docks. i ended up a castaway a lot it was peacful and not a lot of people there. One day this guy came out and we started chatting, i told him way to much about my horrible personal story but he was kind and listen and even as it rained we stayed and chatted. before we left ill never forget the words he said to me, it was i have this friend youll love him, hes been to jail too. HA i laughed SO hard at this i told him really i had NO desire to meet a guy i was really enjoying my new found indepndance and regaining any self esteam that had once been so strong in me. well shorty after this meeting i ran into the 2 of them, dj wasnt kind, or my type, he was though very funny and quick with our meetings i would tell him to get the beer and id get the bait. as i was still underage. But we had a lot of fun nights out fishing till god knows when. Then my past had caught up withme and i had to serve my time, dj actually took me to court an hour away. poor thing my truck broke down on him on the way back home. He was the only one that wrote me, the entire time i was there. i was lucky and got to go into a work release program though and did meet a guy. Justin, aka the BIGGEST POS i know to date. Also in this time my dad passed away. Justin i met in work release he lied his way into my heart, i now know all ever did was lie. i guess i thought if i knew i was going to change and was saying it allowed why the hell would anyone lie about it. as the first time i had went to jail i didnt lie i knew i was going to get out and use again i was almost proud of it. just as i was proud to say i had no intentions of ever useing again. well he would continusly steel my truck and credit card... put my in danger while on house arrest. told some crack heads they were free to roam my house. of beat the shit out of me while i was pregnant. Thank God for that, the second he punched me in the stomach i thanked him for saveing me money. i would find needles all over and just horrible things i wish i had the balls at the time to tell my officer just take me back to jail. but i was to proud as everyone had warned me about what a pos he was. any who the day they shut off my ankle bracelet i drove home actually i was hitting the county line the same min it was turned off i had to go back the next am to get it cut off of me. at that point i got a job in town and started to talk to dj again. asnd james. james was always kind and i didnt see him sexually anymore because he had made some very rude comments about my weight and being sober. one night i was killing time waiting for dj to call me so i went over to james's house to have a beer or two. while sitting there dj finally texted me at like 10 or so it was pretty late. james and his roommate wanted me to stay and play some drinking games. and this is the last conversation i ever had with james.
James--stay itll be a good time
me- Nah im just going to go n hang out with dj
James's roomate-- what are you in love with this guy or something
James-- yeah what do you think your going to get married.
me-- you know i might just be...maybe.
and with that i got into my truck and drove straight to djs, never saw any of them again. the epic part of that night was me reliezeing i really had feelings for dj, but of coarse i couldnt tell him this. however it was only a week or 2 later that he told me -- you know your my girlfriend right-- and then a week after that he told me i was moving in with him. a year later is when i got pregnant the first time, he had told me before he wasnt afraid to pay for an abortion. i had handed him a buissness card that the doctor wrote on all it said on it was "pregnant". he trying to be so coy was like what does this mean. i was like what do you think it means, it means im pregnant. i asked him what he wanted to do, as i knew his postion on marrige and what i wanted in life was not to be a baby mama. but i was working at a daycare and defently had baby fever. he told me there was no doubt we were keeping her. it ment the world to me. shortly after he proposed, well sorta...." So when you wanna do this" but i guess that was all i needed. he also had no intentions of haveing a baby mamma. but a wife. we married very quickly but i dont regret a single second of our ups and downs. After Corol passed away i was terrified i would loose him. but you know we actually have grown stronger, hes grown sweeter too. hes a lot more understanding of ,well, my crazyness. a few weeks ago we went to the seafood feastival and just had a blast for the first time in a long time! well i while i was there i saw James from afar. this is what has spent all these words into my brain, ive been trying to figure out how to wqrite it all down. i think our story if very cute. i love that somehow i knew i was ment to leave thsat house and be with dj. i love that i did, and i am with dj now and ,as cheesy as this may be , untill forever. im not sure if its the hormones but every day i look at him i melt all over again. im glad weve grown together on this journey and will continue to grow. i love him very much. ~

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