Im so torn right now... As a teen i was so outspoken i was loud and proud so to speak i didnt CARE what you had to say about me i was who i was. then i slipped into a few abusive relationships and in the process learned to tread lightly not state oppionons or to even form them. i didnt like who i had become in that though. and i think with Corol passing away has giving me, not streangth but, the power to not care, sorta. So slowly in the past few months ive gotten passionate about certain topics. expressed my views, lost most of my friends.
i mean were we really friends, what is a friend. Can you be friends when you parent so differently. my life was about my kid, and will soon be back to that. if i cant get along with the way you parent, do we go our own ways? or is it if your friends you see threw these differences. do i need to conform so much, just throw our beilfs and feelings in order to have someones company. is that company worth it?
i am to a point now i feel so secluded, so alone. while i was dealing with my feelings of corol i lost everyone close to me. i mean i have some friends that i truely enjoy there company. its just so hard to talk to these people with there lives being so busy, i just feel , left out sometimes... i want them to call me and be like hey were comming over or come over... i dont get that anymore, from anyone. i feel like im begging for people to hang out with me... i shouldnt feel this way. ive totally reclused to this online since of friends. but there just as far away as my friends on the opposite side of the county. ive tryed to reach out and feel ignored by so many. i dont think this is there intention, or maybe it is. maybe they dont agree with the way i parent.
Is that what friendships evolve to once your parents. its not about your ideals but what kind of kids you want you kids around, skrew how you feel about this person... how do i find that if thats the case.
i guess i should be happy i have my husband, and this blog to vent about him. lol. how else will i get through this.