Saturday, February 19, 2011

people can be Amazing

So i branched out today and shared a very hard picture that only the people that went up to NC and a select other few have seen of my little girl, first i shared my fear of why i didnt think anyone needed to see such a thing, that was followed by such an out  pour of love that i quickly decided to share it , and got such NICE comments and SO MUCH love i guess if mothers that saw it did cry i didnt have to consoul them so it made it much easier to do. i got NO negigitive feedback though and that truely surprised me. sometimes its hard for me to be on these sites for grieving because all i hear about is death and babys that have died. it can be sad after a while. it can also be very uplifting in the suport i have around me. like today, today i did cry but they were happy tears. everyone was so incredibly kind. maybe once i tell Corols whole story on here ill be able to share it. but once again i dont want to make anyone sadder than neccisary. I also had someone reach out to help me touch up the pics. now i have some very nicly done images that arnt quite so , umm gory. so my heart thanks everyone that has welcomed these images and have reached out to "hug" me in this complicated life of mine!

Maybe i am an Agorophobe....

Ever feel like you avoid freshair? i do it all the time, id prefere to be in my comfy bed with my computer, safe from the world. Well yesterday was a gorgous day, to pretty to pass up. When My DH got home we decided to go fishing niether of us have gone at least not together fishing, btw and this is how we met. So we went it was so nice out watching the dolphin play, and the pelicans pick on the dolphin it was great. i caught more than he did which was shocking with how the river has been lately. The whole time i was flashing back to the last i time i went fishing with our daughter, i showed the curious 2 year old the bucket of shrimp, she held them and tryed to kiss them abnd said "FISSH" then would release them lol. I wanted so badly to share this with my DH on how i kept comming back to this memory, but i just couldnt ruin the perfect day with a happy memory, yet i knew it would spin him into sadness. She should of been there with us. it just doesnt seem vary fair. Anyways, Now i am paying for having a good time, im Soo sunburnt im miserable. it just doesnt seem worth it. we could of had a good time here and not be in pain today right. recently i went to a phyciatrist and they told me im an agorophobe, maybe i am. maybe these thoughts should be my proof.

The Anticipation has killed me

Hi, so  I've been wanting to do this for soo long now and everytime i start to think about where do i start or what do i say i freak out. So I'm just going to tell about me and my little family. My name is Jade, ill be 25 this year but i feel like im 85, i say this as a joke but i really feel so much older than what i am. I started going back to school in 09' part time. im still a long ways from graduating but i enjoy going to school and the socialization i get there. Minus the dual enrollment kids. something about these 17 -18 year olds that seem so cocky and fearless that it almost makes me mad that i dont have that anymore. like its been stolen from me. ok so this semester i thought itd EASY to take spanish 3 , ASL1, and Statistics ONLINE. what i forgot was with the languages i have to basically live at the school and stats online doesnt give notes or anything heres the book and test and GO... so im really stuggling with all of them, and not really giving any of them the attention they need. Sigh, ill get back to that though. In April I will be married 3 years, to the most perfect guy for me. i vent a lot about him but all in all he loves me and doesnt do anything intenenally to hurt me. July will make 3 years of being a mom, which is the most painfully incridible story of my life and me. and i will also get to that in due time, not trying to ruin a good day ! I also just ( well New years Eve) found out im expecting my second child, this one will be a boy, im so thankful for him. This pregnancy has so far been 180 from Corols pregnancy. Oh and i have a past, a history so to speak, which i dont mind talking about because its not who i am today , and if i knew at 18 what i know now , HA story of my life, then i would be able to do whatever job i wish and wouldnt have a PERMINATE RECORD, those things are true BTW kids. dont skrew up your life for a POS guy. note to self back then. oh well, i wouldnt really change everything that happened though, i was in a work realese program for 9 months which saved me , it taught me the things i needed to know on how to be a succesfull adult with out drugs. and how to form meaningfull relationships with out drugs. i also did 3 out of 4 years probation, i was terminated early due to good behavior and the fact i had a very sick child. Its funny how you find out who your true friends are, the most recent tragidy in our life has really shown me that just because the friends seem most forefront doesnt mean they have the best of intentions, or will always be there. ok i have a lot more to tell you but i just feel like my brain is jumping around, and i really dont want to get into the sad stuff just yet so i leave on this note, thanks for whoever is listening out there!~